I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
