she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
