things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
