Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
