oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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