I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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