just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
