Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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