I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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