But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
