I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
