so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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