she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
