The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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