90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
