Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
