We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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