I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
