He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
