My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
