4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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