dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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