do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
