a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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