I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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