just tell him i said nine months
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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