If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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