The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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