Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Farmville is her only friend.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Randomize
