If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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