If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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