guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
