HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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