It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
