i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
