I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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