She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
a search helicopter?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
