So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
