Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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