So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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