I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
