you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
