I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
