He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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