dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
