I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
