Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
