My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
