His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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