I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
