My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
