please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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