And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize