What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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