then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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