You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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