He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i believe in u and ur pee
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
