I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My first STD was from a foam party
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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