He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
