I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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