i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
