If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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