I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
