i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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