Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
